Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
too bad you live with your parents still
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
