So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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