you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
