he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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