2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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