took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize