I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
