got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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