We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
