Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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