So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
