I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
