giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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