I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
