He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
