Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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