but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm at about main and main street
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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