Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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