You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
