i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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