make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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