I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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