I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
