Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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