Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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