i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize