Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
