You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
