I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
