i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
