For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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