i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There's always time for handjobs
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
