you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
