listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
