i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize