is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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