how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
