This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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