just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
