anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
ok first of all what the fuck
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
