i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
