Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So vagazzling was a success
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
