i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
