In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
