Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
