so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
