I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
