operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
