dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
