There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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