Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It was confusing and full of hummus
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
