Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
