doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
