I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
