Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize