love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
