she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
