So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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