Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
