apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
