HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
