Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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