I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
