Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
