wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
