it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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