Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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