is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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