Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I want to be your penis for a week.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
