btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
