Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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