didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
