yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
