Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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