Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize