I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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