I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize