hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
