I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
