he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
