I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
