i just sent this text using only my big toe
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
