All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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