I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
