i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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