so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
