so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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