i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
