you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
