Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
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