Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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