dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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