I just made out with a guy for $7.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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