You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Randomize
