I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
