I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize