he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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