Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
