My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
