found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
