Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
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